mermaids

What I am Reading….

Posted on: 9 August, 06

You’re Wearing That? by Deborah Tannen

While the main focus of this book is communication between mothers and daughters, I feel the concepts can be applied to communication between people in general. Since the mother-daughter relationship can be so emotionally charged, communication can be perhaps more of a mine field. So much of what we communicate has nothing to do with the words that come out of our mouths. If you have a history with someone, what you say is colored by all the things you have ever said to that person. A friend can say, “Bad hair day?” and you might enjoy the camaraderie of it because you don’t feel she is judging you. If you mother says the exact same thing, you might be immediately taken back to all those fights you had as a teen over hair styles. Very interesting read. Even though I have boys, this book made me think twice about the way I say certain things to my boys. Am I sending the message I intend or are they hearing something entirely different?

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2 Responses to "What I am Reading…."

I haven’t read this book, but I read her first book (You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation). It was life-changing for me. Really. It changed the way I thought about communication and the way I communicate with my spouse and others in my life. If you enjoyed this one, you’ll probably love the other. The author did research into how men and women communicate differently. Since you’re a mother of boys, I would highly suggest it for you. Good research; well-written.
I’ve been meaning to read her newest; I’ll move it up on my to-read list.

I have read that book too. It was also quite good. When I took psychology in college, the professor did a little study with the class on communication styles. Apparently, my communication style is much more like a man than a woman. That is consistent with the fact that most of my closest friends have been men. Over the years, I have made an effort to learn to communicate with woman more effectively. I think that is why the book on mother/daughter communication made such an impression on me…a glimpse into the secret code. 🙂 I must be one of the few women who complains that her husband calls during the day just to say “hi.” When a friend tells me about a problem, I want to offer solutions, not commiseration.

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