Evil Bacon Boy

Posted on: 16 September, 06

I always love when grocery stores give away free samples…a little snack while I shop. Today the boys and I were merrily strolling along enjoying cake, cookies, cheese, and salsa. It was all good fun until we stopped at the bacon cart. C was wearing the headband he made with the Naruto symbol. In the past, that headband has attracted a great deal of positive attention from adults who adore the show.

The guy passing out the bacon samples snarks to C, “I can’t believe you watch that show. It’s so lame.”

I am ashamed to admit that C handled it better than I did. He simply ignored the cretin. It took everything in me to contain my inner mama bear. I replied, “Dude, not the way to win customers…insulting their children’s taste in television shows.”

He grunted back, “Yeah, like I care.” His disdain for me and my children filled the air between us.

At that point, I wanted to shove my shopping cart down his throat. We were innocently strolling through the store when this pimply faced teenager decides to criticize my son who had not said one single word to him. Gah. Realizing that this was one of the “teachable moments,” I took a deep breath as I plotted my revenge. My initial plans involved packages of frozen meat products. The next few involved duct tape and a shopping cart. A sample of some yummy chocolate brought me to my senses. How would I want my children to handle this?

When our shopping was completed, I asked the check out girl if it were possible to speak to the manager concerning something in another part of the store. I didn’t want her to think she had done anything wrong. She looked completely exhausted or perhaps she was in the midst of an ugly break up. She was not perky, but she did not insult us either so I saw no reason to add to whatever weighed heavy on her soul.

As I explained the incident to the manager, he began to shake his lowered head in frustration. He said I did not even need to tell him who it was because he already knew. Apparently, we were not the first victims of Evil Bacon Boy. I was proud of C for not responding to Evil Bacon Boy, or even letting his stupid words have any impact. I was proud of myself for not going postal on him, but I did a delicious tirade all ready for him in my head.

On the way home, I told the boys that was a classic example of an “inside your head thought,” a phrase borrowed from the fabulous teacher, Ms K. She tells her students that it is not necessary to vocalize your every thought in class. Some thoughts need to remain “inside your head thoughts.” Life would be a great deal smoother if more people could recognize which thoughts need to stay inside their heads and which ones should be shared. Evil Bacon Boy might have had a job a little longer if he had kept his feelings about Naruto inside his head. I have to believe there is plenty of room in there.


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