Posted 26 December, 12on:
It is strange to not have a family at Christmas. I don’t miss *my* family at all, but I do miss having *a* family at times. I have good friends, but Christmas is so family centered. Perhaps I am partially to blame… never showing vulnerability. I am always the tough one, the one who never cries, the one everyone else turns to for support, the one who never shows weakness. Everyone assumes I will be fine because I never let it show that I am not fine. In my family, weaknesses were exploited and used to the advantage of others. Confidences were kept only until they could be used as leverage in bizarre game of power and control. The phrase, "If you don’t stop crying, I will give you something to cry about" was never an idle threat. When you are the smallest of the herd, you learn to act big and fearless.