mermaids

What I wouldn’t give to be back on this sailboat!  Things are a bit stressful in this Mermaid’s lagoon.  I am once again reminded that crisis does not always bring out the best in people.  However, I think it brings out one’s true colors. 

We often excuse a harsh word said during a crisis because “they were upset and didn’t know what they were saying.”  I agree that they were upset and forgot to filter their true feelings.  When life is calm, we have the extra energy to choose our words more carefully, to count to ten and let small transgression go without comment.  In a crisis, we shoot from the hip and speak from that more primal, instinctive part of the brain.  It is during a crisis when a family shows what they are made of, when words are spoken that cannot be taken back. 

On the other side of the equation is the target of those barbed words who is also operating from a more vulnerable place.  The recipient is less able to rationalize away the hurtful words.  There is no extra energy to reframe callous comments into something more palatable. 

A crisis shows what a family is really made of.  My boys have risen to the occasion, like I knew they would.  Poor C’s birthday has been shoved to the back burner.  He said, “Don’t worry.  I have so much already.  We can do something when things calm down.”  J  is being extra nice to make C’s birthday as special as possible.  Hubski and I are on the side, trying to gently steer the others through these rough waters.  My little family has shown what they are made of, and it is good stuff.  Some others could take a lesson.

I have said it before, but it bears repeating.  I am not a gardener.  I don’t want to be a gardener, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a beautiful garden.  I don’t have a beautiful garden, therefore, I am beyond excited when something grows in our yard.  If it produces a pretty flower, that’s a reason to throw a party. 

A few weeks ago, we planted a butterfly bush.  Rumor has it they grow with absolutely no intervention on my part.  That is my kind of plant.  We stuck in the ground and occasionally remembered to water it.  Miraculously, it has grown! 

The butterflies definitely love this plant.  I love to see them swarm all over the bush.  There is another miscellaneous plant (no idea what it is) near the butterfly bush that attracts really fat bumble bees.  It makes me quite happy to see all that activity by our mailbox.  Even when things in the people world are turned upside down, the butterflies and bumblebees are totally unfazed.  They buzz and blissfully flit from flower to flower.  They are a wonderful reminder that no matter what happens in my life, no matter how huge I think my problems are, the butterflies and bumblebees will continue to buzz and flit.  Life goes on. 

About three months ago, J got his learner’s permit.  Thus far, most of his driving has been with Hubski on the weekends.  We all agreed, until he gets a little more experience, he does not need the distraction of C in the car, not that would intentionally distract him.  We are also careful about where he drives, weather conditions, and time of day.  It seemed, for a while, whenever we were going somewhere that J could drive, it was storming or after dark.  It has been a while since I have driven with him.  Last week, he drove me to the library… and I wasn’t totally nauseous with anxiety. 

J is doing quite well with driving, but he is a new driver.  More importantly, I am new to having my baby behind the wheel.  It is definitely a weird concept… my baby, driving, like a grown up.  He is careful, takes instruction well, and is calm behind the wheel. 

Today, he drove us to taekwondo.  It suddenly occurred to me that we were having a conversation instead of me giving him instructions, my foot wasn’t going through the floorboard, and I was rather relaxed.  Is his driving getter better or I am simply get used to the idea?  Part of our conversation was about how the cost of our auto insurance would sky rocket when he got his full license.  J said, “If it is that expensive, I can wait to get my license.  There is no rush.”  I have good sons.